Thursday, April 28, 2005

Sis and Me

We had our appointment yesterday! Our time was for 1040am and we left the drs office at 130pm! Can you believe that it took that long? Anyway, he talked over all the complications of pregnancy and made sure that my sis was willing to do this for me which of coarse she said she was. He did an exam on her. Did a pap and what not. He also did a sonohystogram. I had this done on the fourth of April. He found that she had a polyp in her uterus which he wants to see removed before he puts embryos in. UGHH! Can't we all just be normal. He said it wasn't a problem but it needed to be removed. OK. He finds a dr to do this but she has to schedule this. Ok now I am thinking about how much time are we wasting and my body wants to start cycling now!

He tells me to stop taking the pill and pull the patches off to cycle for 5 days. Why? Now I am really getting to think about time. Five days? How much longer will it be before we are ready? I am so impatient. I just want everything to work out. I want to be pregnant again. I want her to be pregnant too. Well, we get out of there go to the lab and all. Everything appears to be normal but this small little polyp. It is only 11 millimeters. That is smaller than the cyst that I have!

All of this new info has kept me up all night. Thinking, thinking. I hate when I can't sleep because the brain doesn't want to stop thinking! I have decided to go ahead and get on with the cycle and freeze the embryo's for her. It makes it a lot easier on all parties including the Drs because they don't have to cycle us together. I am no longer waiting to try and my sis can give her work a 7 day notice on absences. This means they won't count them against her. So that is the decision and as soon as I made it I felt better about everything. So tonight I will take the first shot of Lupron. Hope it doesn't take to long for my cycle to start. I am just so anxious to try again. Hope that I am making the right decision. What do you think?

Friday, April 22, 2005

What a week I have had!!

It has been a very rough week. In my last post I mentioned that I had breakthrough bleeding. Well of coarse I didn't stop. I called the office on Tuesday to let him know. The Dr decided to wait another day to see if I would get better. I know me and nothing comes quite that easy! I didn't stop bleeding so I called again on Wed. Nurse calls back and asks if I can come in. OK I am on my way.

I get to the office and I am getting an ultrasound done. He says "Everything is looking surpressed like it is suppose to when you are on the pill. The uterus lining is thin and is looking good. Your left ovary is doing nothing like we want it. Your right ovary is doing nothing. Oh wait a minute it is doing something." Never say "OH" to me I may just panic. He thinks the something is an endo cyst. I had the lap done in Feb. of 2004 to remove just that same thing in the same ovary. He says to me the worst case scenario he will remove the cyst at the office. Can you say OUCH? He doesn't think it will be in the way so he wants to go ahead with the IVF for me and sis.

He puts me on the estrogen patch. He says this should stop the bleeding in about 24 hours. Well 22 hours later I stop bleeding. I called the office (yes again) to let them know the bleeding had stopped. I joked with the receptionist that I had called everyday this week and I would be fine to not call tomorrow. Well guess what I had to do today? I had bleeding last night so it is now another patch for me. I am never ever going to say anything is boring again.

I am starting to get really excited about this attempt and so is my sis. I keep telling her that it may not work on the first try. She is so positive that it is going to work. I hope that she doesn't have a let down. She will be here Tuesday evening. Her appointment is on Wed and I took the day off from work to be with her. Knowing my sis, we will probably shop the rest of the day!

Monday, April 18, 2005

I think I jinxed myself into saying things were boring

OK, my last post was titled "What a boring weekend and week so far". That was on April 13. On the 14th our alarm to our house was set off by the basement door (shock sensor). I am so glad that Carl was home. No one was there (we think but lock is lose) All our motion lights were on too. It made it very scary. So since it went off again on Sunday we think we have a bad sensor. Thank God all is well and there is no one trying to get into our house. I am home alone to often to take that kind of fear.

Well, on Saturday we finished up Courtney's soap box car. She is our God daughter and the love of our life. We bought her a soap box car for Christmas. She went with us to a couple of races last year. My dad is so into it. He owns 6 cars. We traveled everywhere last year racing. It was so much fun. We had to convince Courtney to do it. When we first asked her if she wanted to race (she hadn't seen one yet) she thought they were made out of cardboard. She was only 7 then. You have to be 8 to race. January took care of that.

After that Carl and I went shopping for Lorna's memorial tree. We found a very pretty Weeping Cherry tree and of coarse it was sold!! Nuts, we were going to have to settle for another one that wasn't so big. Carl went and asked about the tree (the one we didn't want) cause there were some marks on the bark. The guy come out and looks and says "Oh that is from the Locust last year" Carl happened to make a comment about the one we wanted and he said we could have it cause it was for his wife. So we got the tree that was marked sold but meant for us. I think Lorna had a hand in it.

Sunday we went golfing with our boss. It was so much fun. I only played 11 holes. My hands were starting to blister! Our boss Earl, hit a ball that hit a tree and came right back at him. It even went farther back then he originally was. It was so funny.

On the trying to conceive front. I had a scare today. I had some break thru bleeding on the pill. It really did upset me cause I thought here we are just trying to get fresh embryo's in both my sis and me and now we are going to have to put frozen one's in my sis. Anyway, DR said not to worry that there is something he can give me tomorrow if I haven't stopped bleeding. WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE! THERE IS A PILL TO KEEP THE CYCLE AWAY? DOES IT WORK WITH PMS TOO?

I have been trying to take things as they come. Trying to stay positive. Trying to be patient. Trying not to be nervous too. I have been hoping a lot too. I hope that all is good. I hope that all who have been in this boat with me find their positives at the end of the rainbow soon (VERY).

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

What a Boring Weekend and Week so far....

I went to the boss's little girls birthday party on Saturday. I was actually ok around the children. I felt really good about them and watching them. I haven't been able to feel like that since the miscarriage. Anyway, the mummies were starting to bug me. They were complaining about their children. I got sad about this. My mother says to me you just wait I will mark it down when you start to complain. She really wasn't getting it all. I got sad because I don't know if I ever will be in the situation to be able to complain about them. She thought I was upset cause they didn't appreciate what they have.

I really have had a boring weekend and week so far. I am on the birth control pill and waiting to start the Lupron shots. I just realized that I never posted that my sister is going to surrogate for me. We found a Dr that is willing to do it for us. Yea for us. We even started on the same day! Should be an interesting road to travel. I have traveled the infertility road but not with a buddy right beside me trying to carry a baby for me too. I am really excited about this.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Feeling kind of sad

I have been a little bit blue the last 3 days. I know I should be happy and excited about trying again but still I am blue. We have had really nice weather the last 3 days. It has been warm and everything is starting to bloom. All of this is making me sad. I keep thinking that I was so looking forward to the spring time. It meant that the baby would be here soon. Now things have changed.

Yes I am looking forward to trying the in vitro again but I keep thinking to myself that I shouldn't have to be. I should be pregnant. I should be finishing up the baby's room. The list goes on and on. Why can't I seem to snap out of it? Why is the weather making me feel this way? I should be so excited to try again. I mean if you read my post from Monday you will see just how excited I was. The weather changed and now I am like this. Why? How can the weather (the better weather) do this to me? I have heard of some people who get the winter blues but never the spring time blues. Any suggestions for this I would appreciate.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Dr appt. Today Good News for us

Well I went to the DR today. He did an ultrasound and found that AF had done her job and did it well. Anyway that means that I can do the IVF next cycle. I started taking the birth control pill. I swallowed it with pride today. The pill usually makes me sick but today I happily took it!!. I will be on Lupron in about 2 weeks. That is a shot to prevent you from ovulating. This also will bring on AF. I am so excited I can hardly stand myself!!

I will try to stay positive throughout this whole ordeal. It is very difficult to do. I have had a cancelled cycle in the past so there are some nerves there. I hope to have a positive test result. I worry about the negative test results. We were so lucky the first time. I hope we are again.