Second set of blood test...

I had my blood drawn on Saturday. I know he took at least 5 vials of blood. The lab tech blew my vein so had to stick me again. I waited all day again. Thinking, well if something was wrong he would definitely call. I thought about having him paged but decided not to. The Dr needs a break sometime. On Sunday, I go to town for church and get a message on my cell phone that he had called the day before and that my numbers were doubling and looked good. I wish he would have told me the numbers. I am to keep on the baby aspirin and Heprin combination. I am double checking for the Gestational Diabeties. Today fasting was good. I hope that I don't get it this time around.

Jennie/Lil Mamasita

I would like to take time out and remember Little Eric Michael another one of God's little angels. Born to soon at 20 weeks. Jennie and her family are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for healing and strength to be bestowed upon her and her family. No one can explain why this happened. Why God would want to take a little one so close to being here. Please God give them comfort at this time of loss.

Jennie is a member at pregnancy weekly. She was apart of the Trying to Conceiver Over a Year Board. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. This is a poem that meant a lot to me when Lorna was sent back to Heaven. I don't know who the author is. I just wanted to share it with you.

If Tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

We would walk right up to heaven

To Bring you down again.

No farewell words were spoken,

No time to say goodbye,

You were gone before we knew it,

And only God knows why.

Our hearts still ache in sadness,

And secret tears still flow,

What it meant to lose you,

No one will ever know.

When we are sad and lonely,

And everything goes wrong,

We seem to hear you whisper,

"Cheer up and Carry on."

If someone does know the author, I would like to know and acknowledge that person with their work.

First Shot of Heprin

The first shot is in. It took the pharmacy all day to find some. The first shot made me feel weird. That is about the best way to describe it. Carl gave it to me. This morning though. I have given it to myself. I hope that this works. I hope that this is all I need this time to get a baby here. Since I am on the Heprin, I will not be able to work for a minimum of 30 days. This is the law for a truck driver. Your meds have to be under control before you can get behind the wheel. So I am on disability. I am ok with that cause it give my little on more time to get a grip. I will be 8 weeks before I have to return to work. If there is more than 1 in there I can guarantee that the OB DR will not let me work my job. We will see. (By the way I am not complaining about not working, I love not to work!!)

I am excited about this opportunity to try again but I am also terrified. I am trying not to allow the negative thoughts to enter in but you know how that is. I am going to stick to my plan of loving every minute of my pregnancy. I am going to love this baby no matter the outcome. If they are here for a short while or a long one they will know love.

Well, my cramping episodes are back. I had these terrible cramps with Lorna at the beginning of the pregnancy. They were horrible. They make me sweat and cry. I was so hoping that it was going to be a one time thing. Well, they are here. I want to go to the soap box derby race this weekend but I won't. I am scared I will scare the kids! Anyway if anyone has every heard or had anything like this please let me know. Carl and I always said that it was my body getting rid of the other 2 embryos since last time we had 3 put in and only 1 took. They usually only happen at night as well. Last time I started with these cramps like 2 days after transfer this time is was 8 days later. My Dr has never seen anyone with this so it is put in the chart as pregnancy related because I never have them otherwise.

It is a BFP!!!!!!

I am so positive!! My HCG was over 150 and my progesterone was over 300!!! My RE DR said that there is a possibility this time with a multiple just looking at my numbers. I will give you a comparison to go off of. Well 11 day after the embryo transfer with Lorna. My HCG was 52 and my Progesterone was 24 so you can see where that is coming from. I start my Heprin Shots today. I took my baby aspirin yesterday. I hope, I hope, I hope. According to the charts I should be due Feb 3, 2006. Now I just need to make it there with a live baby this time!!

Couldn't resist any longer!!

I just had to take a HPT and well it was positive!! We decided we had to take the test because Carl will be at work when the results come back in. Now don't congratulate yet. I have to go to the lab tomorrow and we will know for sure then and I will have the Progesterone checked as well. So waiting on tomorrow!

Testing tomorrow!!

I am starting to get a little impatient for tomorrow to be here. I have thought about the HPT but the question is "do I want to ruin today or not?" Do I want to be disappointed both days. The answer is no. I will have to wait. Sometimes, I am jealous of those women that get to pee on a stick 5 days early. I know that it is better to wait. It is only 24 hours until the bell tolls. I hope that it is positive but I don't feel like it is going to be. I hope that God will bless me with another baby and let this one be the one that gets here alive. Hope is all I have left. Hope is all I can do. No matter the outcome tomorrow + or - I would like to thank all of you that have given me support during this time. Here and over at PW. I think about all of you a lot.

3 Days Left Until Test Date!!!

Well, the heading almost said it all. Didn't it? I still don't have a great feeling that this time worked. I think it has a lot to do with not trying to be to disappointed if it didn't. I mean the best way to prepare yourself for bad news is to expect it. Right? I do this a lot and I really hope that I am wrong. I want this so much! I want to be able to try to get it right this time around. I know if I let myself think positively, I am just going to have a loud crash. I did this with Lorna so I am told.

I feel fine. I have absolutely no pregnancy symptoms which is getting me down. But I do have to look at that if I did get pregnant my hormone level would only be like 8-10 now so I shouldn't have any symptoms anyway. It is just that pesky little thing called Hope that gets me all stirred up. I want to have HOPE and I want to be pregnant (that is one side) The other side is saying I am not and should be prepared for the inevitable let down. I still have to wait and now that I am in the second week of waiting it is really starting to get to me. Just 3 days to go!

Down Again!!!!

OK this is getting ridiculous!! I hate it so much when that site goes down. We need to make an alternative place as well. I was on PW at about 6am (couldn't sleep) Now from what I am gathering from the other girls PW is down again!! I am getting weird emails from Jade@pregnancy weekly too. Anyone else? It looks to be like in German or Dutch. I can't figure out why I am getting it. I am even getting returned (mailerdeamon) like I sent it which since I don't speak the language why would I be sending it?

6 days to go until the blood test!! I really do hope it is positive. I know I am not going to be the only one disappointed now!! There are a lot of us that are testing this week and next. Wouldn't it be just great if we all got BFP!! That would be really nice!! Hope everyone has a great day!

I hate it when PW goes down!

Well here I am on the computer, just wanting to catch up with everyone from PW and they are down. I am gonna have withdrawals. I love that site. I love talking to the women there. I get on everyday just to see what's happening and today they are down!! What am I going to do with the rest of my time! Am I an addict or what?? Crazy? Probably!!

On the baby front, it has now been 3 days since the transfer and I don't have a good feeling that any of them took. Last time Lorna didn't attach for 4 days so I have to keep hope up but it is slowly dying. This 2 week wait is such a killer! I hate it. Why can't man invent something to sound an alarm if they are attaching. The Uterus Alarm!! Do you think I should patent it?

On the sister front. She is going to her Primary Care Giver. She has an HMO to see about getting the polyp removed by an HMO DR so it doesn't cost so much money! If that fails, we are bringing her out here to have it removed. My DR takes her insurance. I am starting to get impatient but after 11 years of TTC I have every right to be impatient. What do you think?

On the blog front. I am starting to learn just a little stuff. I figured out how to put a counter at the bottom. By the way, this is what I am doing with my time off from work. I have a physical job and don't want to disrupt the embryos from implanting. Back on subject, if anyone can tell me how to link your sites to mine I would really appreciate it. I am not familiar with the lingo!!

Figured out how to post Lorna's pictures

On the side there is a link to slide roll. Please feel free to view Lorna. I didn't want to post them on the blog. I know that most of you that read here have had losses and I didn't want to upset you. Hope you understand. Enjoy the memory of Lorna. They are not happy photos of coarse but I wanted to share them with you. They are all I have of her.

3 embryos on board!!

Well I had the transfer yesterday! There are now 3 and all we can do is hope and pray that 1 or all 3 take. I will have a blood test on the 26th to find out. I just have to make it until then. Well, I have to there is no other way. I have an hcg shot so if I took a hpt, it would give me a false positive. So now it is rest and hope. That is all I have that hope will be enough to get an embryo to implant!!

Today was the Egg Retrieval!

I had the egg retrieval today. I had 13 total eggs. Two of them ruptured and one of them was not mature enough. I have 8 that look great and 2 they thought would be mature enough by tonight. I hope all goes well with them and that all of them survive. We will put 3 embryos in on Sunday. I am a bit Lupey from the medicine. I just wanted to give an update.

Final Shot Last night

Monday and Tuesday I had an appointment with the DR. My estrogen has stayed down!! Yeah. I feel like such a champ!! That is almost funny!! Anyway, I had plenty of eggs on my right that were from 18-22mm in size! I hope all of them are good eggs! My left ovary was not cooperating. She is shy and doesn't like her picture taken. Dr said there were some over there but he couldn't get a really good look. My egg retrieval is for Thursday!

I cancelled my sister's surgery for today. The hospital finally called with a price tag. They called yesterday and expected me to pay them yesterday for the procedure. I told the lady that for one the price was ridulculous $5000 and then also she should have called more in advanced so we could be sure that we had the money in certain accounts. My DR happens to agree that the price is way to high even for a city. We are thinking about flying her here and having him do it! It is still cheaper then doing it out there. I could almost have another IVF cycle for that price. I wonder what that DR charges for an IVF if that is what he charges for a hysterscopy!

I don't remember things moving this fast last time!

Well, I went to the DR today for blood work and an ultrasound. Everything is progressing nicely and my estrogen is staying down. It was only 1880. I have to go to him tomorrow for another trip to the lab and for an ultrasound again. He is pretty sure that I will be ready for the final shot either tomorrow or Tuesday. All of this means that I will have the embryos in on Friday or Saturday.

This weekend is the first soap box derby race! We bought our goddaughter Courtney a soap box car for Christmas. She is eight years old and this is the first time she can race. I am sorry that I will miss the race but I hope that it is worth it. I hope that this cycle works. I hope that I am able to report that I am pregnant in just 3 weeks. That would be such a blessing for me. I hope that God gives me that chance again.

I've Got 11!!

Went to the DR yesterday and I have at least 11 eggs on the right side alone. They were about 10 to 11 mm in size. Not big enough yet. DR thinks that my last shot will be on Tuesday which means that Thursday will be the egg retrieval and the embyos would be put in on Saturday. However we do have to watch out for the Ovarian Hyper Stimulation. So far my estrogen is staying down. I have to go and see the Dr tomorrow. Yes on a Sunday!

My sister has her Hysteroscopy scheduled for Wed. to have the polyp removed. I hope all goes well with her. I wish I could be there for her. She only live about 1500 miles away!

And so it begins...

Well I started my cycle on Friday. WHOO! Yea! I am so excited. My cycle also started with horrible cramps of coarse. I was on the pill. I know that is not normal but I am in no way normal. I called DR to let him know. I went for blood work on Sunday. The numbers look good and he put me on 125 of Follistim.

I trust my DR. I keep telling this to myself. He is trying to keep the hyper ovarian syndrome down to a minimal, but this dose makes me nervous. I was taking this dose when we were just using the IUI. I would only ever have 3 appear and mature. I am trying to stay calm and go with the flow. I am trying. I need to have more because I am trying this time for at least 6 embryos to be good. See how that can make me nervous? I am trying not to be. I trust my DR. I took my first shot of Follistim yesterday with the lupron shot too. I trust my DR.