Happy Mother's Day!

Its hard to imagine that 5 years ago I resented mother's day. It was a day to remember my losses and a day to feel like I had failed in someway. I remember how it felt. I remember going to church one year and they were handing out flowers to all the moms. The guy wanted to give me one and I had to say," I am not a Mom" I felt terrible. It would have been easier just to take the flowers and run. Pretend that I had my children with someone else but I couldn't do it. In years past, I have just stayed away on Mother's Day. It was a day of rememberance for me today.

Four years ago, Mother's day was May 15 2005, I will never forget this day. I had embyo's transferred on that day. One of them is now Ashton. Mother's day took on a whole new meaning. I prayed so hard that day for one of them to stick and stay with us. It was a special day also filled with grief over losing Lorna and having to try all over again. Even though I was already a mother of 2 angels that day is the first time that I truely felt like a mom. I knew they were there. I knew that they were alive. I felt like a mother on that day.

Three years ago, was my first mother's day that I had a child in my arms to hold. I had pictures done on this day, just Ashton and me together. I love those photos. I look at them and see the love that I had for him and he had for me. I can see this.

Two years ago, on Mother's Day, Ashton was 16 months old. Walking and talking. Carl and I had made the decision that we weren't going try anymore for children. I cherished this day because, Ashton was only going to be little once.

One year ago, I had just had Hayley our big surprise baby. Hormones playing havok on my system well, I cried all day knowing just how blessed it was to have 2 of them. Holding a brand new baby, and a toddler. How blessed I have been to have become a mom.

Today, as I said before was a rememberance day for me. I felt this way because of what was said at church. Our lay speaker, was talking about not being a mother and celebrating the women that have affected us like our mothers have. As I took this in with my experiences of being the infertile I can now see that I didn't have to feel that way 5 years ago. So I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the women not just those with children.

Pictures as promised

Easter Photos















































Hayley and her cake



Waiting on her cake


Ashton and Hayley. We were singing happy birthday


Hayley and I before the mess


Hayley's birthday cake


Waiting for her party to begin



Carl in his truck for work. He just started with Fed Ex in Feb


Having fun before the party begins


Hayley and I in Daddy's truck



She had a wonderful time!!

Happy Birthday Hayley!!!!!!!

OMG a year already!!! It went by so fast!!! Her party is tomorrow and I promise to post pictures then!!!!!

Been busy lately. No not working. My hours are now only 20 (used to be 40) I don't seem to have any time to do much of anything on the computer unless it is late and I am staying up late.

Well there are alot of photos to look at so I hope you enjoy them. We went to the circus this past weekend it was so much fun. Ashton had a great time and can't wait for us to take him again.