Just thinking!

I just read Jen's blog. She is trying to lose weight with Weight Watchers. Some time ago I lost 34 pounds on it. I guess I should try to lose some weight. I was a big girl before Ashton came. I am back to pre-pregnancy weight but I should probably lose about 35 more hmmm....... I guess I never even thought about it until I read Jen's blog. I used to obsess about losing and ttc and well, ttc was put to a halt (LOL) and losing weight while pregnant (not so good) I guess what I just realized is how much Ashton has changed me all together. I think I need to start to get back to being just a little me!

We haven't changed our schedules at work yet. We had like 5 people quit so it will be a little while before I get on my new schedule. I was hoping to move soon. I am so tired all the time. Even when I am up in the morning I don't do anything. I really think my house is a mess. I just haven't' found my knatch into mothering and being a good wife too! LOL Carl does help me a lot and I am really thankful for that even if I didn't get a mother's day card. LOL I got Carl a card from me and from Ashton weeks ago! I hope he feels just a little guilty tomorrow! LOL

I have no batteries in my camera so I haven't taken any pictures of Ashton lately! I feel bad every day that I don't take a photo. I feel like I should have a photo for every day of his life. Does anyone else seem to think I am just a little crazy? LOL Sometimes I think that I might be.

Ashton hasn't rolled over yet. Most babies do about this time. I really don't think that he is going to roll. All he ever does when he is on his belly is scream. He hates it. All I can see is he sees no purpose in rolling over there. When he is on his belly he cries until he falls asleep. Any other suggestions would be nice. He is eating cereal now. He also doesn't really like this so I am adding applesauce to his mix which he seems like he tolerates it better.

I just read over the last paragraph and it sounds like Ashton is well a screamer which he is most certainly not. He is extremely happy. He just knows what he doesn't like LOL. Seriously Carl and I couldn't have asked for a better little boy then the one God chose to bless us with.

Don't seem to have much time for anything!

I can't seem to get on the computer at all here lately so I am so sorry for no update. It seems like when I have time to Ashton doesn't allow me! He starts to fuss and make a do! LOL Guess he knows now that he is ruler of this roost!

Anyway, last Monday Ashton went for his four month check-up and shots. He weighs 15lbs and 14 ozs which puts him in the 60th percentile for weight. He was 26 inches long and that puts him in the 90th percentile for height! Carl and I laugh about that cause we are both short!

These are the pictures that we had done on Mother's Day this year! I love them. Ashton didn't want to smile for anything! These were hard to get!

Me and My Mommy

One year ago today!

My little man was transferred back to me last year on this day! I know I didn't think the IVF was going to work. You can read in my archives and see that. Now look at what I got! Ashton is almost 4 months old. My how time flies when you are having fun! I love being a mom. If I could have a litter of children I would. I love how he makes me feel. I love loving him! He is such a good little man.

He has a tooth and it seems like he is getting another. So it won't be long until the toothless grin will no longer be. He is growing so fast! Last week I weighed him and he is a whooping 16 pounds! He is going to go from the 25th percentile to the 95th percentile! Everyone says that he is not fat that he is healthy. My response to that is "When we are fat as babies everyone says that they are healthy but when you get to be an adult and are fat everyone says that you are not healthy!" LOL He has a drs appt on the 23rd so we will find out then for sure. Here he is! I hate to brag but isn't he cute? LOL

Here Ashton is with his God-Mommy Robin at his first soap box race. I promised these photos the last time I posted! I have been so tired lately that when I do get a chance to be on the computer I usually just go to bed and watch TV! I wonder why I am so tired! LOL I still haven't fully recovered from the 12 hours shifts and now we are back on them for this week. So this will be the last post until the weekend for sure. Robing is a nursery nurse! She works at the hospital that I delivered at. I know that he got very good care when he was there! She loves to have him. She says that she doesn't get to see the babies grow up!

Here my grandfather and his new bride are at the baptism with Ashton. Doesn't my grandfather look like Ronad Regan? LOL Anyway, my mother was really sad moving my grandfather out of his house and into Madaline's. They are so good for one another. My grandmother passed away 4 years ago. Madaline's husband passed away 11 years ago. They met on a bus trip. They seem very happy together.

On another note, A big congratulations to Liz and Ivan for a positive test!!!! I hope that you have a very healthy and happy nine months ahead of you!!

And Another big congratulations to Lisa!!!!!!! She also got a bfp!! Some of you may know her and others may not. She is from pregnancy weekly. We got to know each other because of losing our July 05 angels. She even came to my baby shower and some may remember she gave me the stroller/car seat! I am so excited and happy for her! I hope that she has a wonderfu pregnancy!

What a week!

When we got out of church we found out that Carl cousin had her baby -boy- Trinton Jackson 7lbs 11oz 20 1/2 inches long. I wish her well. She is only 15. Then Carl and I were on 12 hour shifts all week long. I missed him so much!!! Ashton that is. Yes I saw him everyday but I felt like I was sleeping more than I was seeing him. I would get home at 4am then get myself ready for bed ect.... Ashton would be awake for a little while then go back to sleep. Then around 10am when he wakes up someone comes and pickes him up. Monday he spent with my sister Sue, Tues with my other sister Dina, Wed with Gramie, Thurs with Nana, Fri back with my sister Dina. They kept him until about 9pm so Carl could get some sleep. We both felt like we were neglating him.
Sat I get off at 4am and have to be back at work at 8am for a meeting. Ashton spent this time with my sister Dina as Carl had to be there too. We get home at 12. Then my grandfather who is 87 is getting married at 4! It was a great service even though I have only had 4 hours of sleep. I will post pictures later. I go home with Ashton and go to bed. I sleep until 6:30. Ashton got up 1x during the 12 hours for a bottle and that was it. He must have been tired too!
Sunday- Ashton goes to his first soap box race. I put on sunblock on him but he got a little sun around his eyes! I feel bad about that. Anywhoo, I am looking forward in getting caught up on pw and my blog and dh just called to say they want us to work again 12's this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGHHHHHH so I am going to miss out again this week. After this week I will have done 12 12's! We are doing them again the week of May 15 so we will only have 1 week off of them instead of 2! Yes the money is great but I guess we will have to draw the line somewhere. I am missing my little man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I wont' be around again this week!

Ashton was baptized!

I just so wanted to break down and cry tears of joy. I truly never felt like we would ever have our miracle and here he is already 3 months old. He was wide awake for the service and when it was time to get baptized he fell asleep. Terri our minister didn't want to give him back! It was all so beautiful.

This is Carl and I and Robin and Darren. They are Ashton's God parents. While we were saying our vows to God and Ashton, I just kept thinking of "Wow, We did this 9 years ago for them!" Courtney so wanted to be there. She was so upset that she couldn't come. She got Fifth's disease and wasn't allowed to attend. She was crying to me on the phone last night. She has been calling herself his God sister since she found out he was a boy! We have it on video for her to watch and at the end of the service our minister had everyone shout Hello to Courtney so she would know that we were thinking of her.

Ashton's 3 month old photo!

Boy is time flying with him! I can't believe he is 3 months old. Well as of today 3 months and 3 days. I couldn't get him to smile for the camara. He kept staring at it!

Busy week!! Sorry for no updates!

I went and saw my RE Dr last Tuesday. I saw him cause I was still bleeding from birth. I talked to him on the phone the week before. I was still passing parts of the placenta. He did an u/s and everything is ok now that I had af. There is still a little something in there but he thinks since I had af and am not bleeding anymore that it will pass on its own. He gave me Provera to regulate my cycles on my own. He said I could take it every 2 months if I wanted to. (Has to be every 2) He is such a great Dr! He went over a Frozen Embryo Transfer with me so that I would know and be ready when I am ready!! LOL I am ready now! LOL I love being a mommy and can't wait to have another miracle. IF God only grants me one I am fine with that but a second would be even better! I feel greedy wanting another when I know so many women still trying for their first and not having any luck. I have 9 frozen embryos that I think need a chance at living.

Carl's sister and brother-in-law are in from Florida so I haven't been able to get on the computer much. This is the first time that Smitty has seen Ashton. He works in Afghanistan as an outside contractor on an American base. Carl is thinking about going over there for a year and working so that I can be a stay at home mommy. I am worried about this cause he will miss so much. All of the firsts! It is great money yes but is the risk and missing so much really worth it? I really don't think so.

Sorry its been awhile!

So here he is 2 1/2 months old now. I just can't believe it! We had to buy him some summer clothes. This is just one of many that we bought. We did go over board!

This is Ashton on his first day of work! LOL He goes with my sister on Thurs. so that I can get some sleep. My sister works for my Dad so it is ok! He has been stinking up the office now for 3 weeks! Never fails if I need him to go all I have to do is send him to work. He is always so tired when he gets home. Work is so stressful!

New Pictures of my Man!!

He is 8 weeks old in these photos. The second one he is with his Aunt Sue.

Ashton's 2month appt!

Last Wednesday, Ashton had his 2 month check up with shots! First I can't hardly believe that it is 2 months already. Second, he did just fine with his shots. He cried really hard and it was over. We gave him Tylenol to prevent any spiking of fever and for pain but I don't think he needed it. He is such a calm baby. He weighed in at 10lbs and 6oz and was 22 1/2 inches long. He is in the 25th percetile for his weight and height.

I am getting used to the night shift and sleeping when I get the chance with him. Other than that, there isn't much to say!!!

My first week back at Work

As you know I started back to work on the first of March. I put my name down for the switcher position ( the job I was doing before I left just at a different location) I double checked that my hire date and seniority had not been changed. Well, they had. I was in shock and very very upset to say the least. What this means is I have lost my vacation and if anyone should bid on the same job that has more seniority then me, I wouldn't get the job.

I talked to my manager about this since we thought and I was told that I would keep it. He thought so too. He made some calls to the head office in Greenbay and was told that he could influence this. He made up a letter and gave about 6 reasons as to why I should be reinstated. As of Friday my date hadn't changed yet in the computer but all verbal indications are that everything is ok and will be changed on Mon. We will see if not I will look for another job even though I did get the switcher position.

It has been a long week. It is very hard to get sleep. Ashton is still on a 3-4 hour eating schedule and since I am working the night shift it is hard anyway. My sister and niece came up Thursday and Friday so that I could get some sleep before work. My sister even cleaned my house for me on Friday. I love her so much. She is just a great women!

Sorry to say not much else is going on! We are trying to get into a pattern of life with Ashton. It has been hard but one that I am so grateful to be on!

Going back to work today!

All I can say is that I don't want to go! It is going to be hard not so much leaving Ashton but the change in routine that I have to go through. It is going to be tough to go but after having been off from work since May 11. I guess I need to go!!

I was writing about the same thing 1 year ago. I went back to work after losing Lorna on Feb 28! Funny coincidence.

Finally!

He is fitting in the outfit I had wanted to bring him home in! It only took 5 weeks! LOL

Yesterday my blog was a year old!

I can't believe that it has been a year since I started this blog. What a year it has been!

We went to church last Sunday. My sister held him and wouldn't share him with anyone! She got sick Monday and has been very concerned that she gave him something. He has had a stuffy nose which has gotten worse this past week but I think he already had it. I put a humidifier in our room to help with his nose.

I have decided that I will go back to work this Wed and only have to deal with a half work week. I don't want to go but I think this has more to do with the fact that I have been out of work since May 11! and not the fact that I am having to leave Ashton. Carl and I are going to be working opposite shifts so we will not need my sister to watch Ashton. Even though I know she wants to watch him! I can't believe that he is already 5 weeks old.

That is about all I have in way of an update. It was a quite week. I am thankful for that. Carl took off Thurs and Fri. so that I could get some sleep!! I feel really good now.

I Can't Believe that it has been 4 weeks already!

I wish that my pregnancy had gone by that fast.

Doesn't he look like he is saying "take the picture already"

Sorry for No update!

I have just been so busy with Ashton and well, when I do have time I am just to tired! He does have his nights and days mixed up so I have been trying to get naps in the evening so I can be up with him during the night. He doesn't fuss. He is just awake! He is wonderful and beautiful and I am loving every minute of it.

Ashton is having some constipation problems. We had to give him a suppository and I felt so bad because I knew he was going to get cramps. He did move his bowels. We have been having to give him some prune juice to keep him going. He actually likes the prune juice and gulps at it! It is funny!

I called work to tell them I would like to come back to work on the 6th of March. It will be very hard for me. I don't want to leave him but I do have to go back to work! I really wish I could be the stay at home mom but we can't afford to do it. I went and had my DOT phyical done yesterday. I passed with no problems. Good! This means I don't have to have another one done for 2 years!

Congratulations to Jen on the birth of her Twins!

Ashton's First Tub Bath

This was also the first time I saw him cross his eyes!

Happy 1st Angel Birthday Lorna

Mommy and Daddy miss you! We love you!

These are the balloons we released to her.

One year ago today.

We found out that Lorna had left us. I am sad today. I know that I am blessed to have Ashton but it doesn't replace Lorna. I wonder about her. I wonder would she have been a good baby like Ashton is. I wonder what she would have been like. What she would have looked like? I know from the photos of her that she and Ashton look alike. I wonder about her all the time. Having Ashton will not replace the pain I feel about losing her.

I now know that she had a purpose in her short little life. I know that she is the reason that I have Ashton here with me. She is my beautiful angel in Heaven. I can't seem to help but cry over her and miss her and think about what might have been. I miss her. We bought balloons to release tomorrow for her and I will take photos of the balloon. I hope that she will have a beautiful birthday in Heaven tomorrow.

Always remembered and never forgotten - Lorna Ann Pleasants - A beautiful angel in Heaven! She is watching over her little brother and keeping him safe.

Changed my blog name!

If you hadn't noticed already I changed the name of the blog. I guess it needed to be done. My infertility journey is over now and I am now experiencing motherhood. I thought the name would let everyone know that having Ashton was not easy. Getting him here was not easy. Let me know what you think.

When I left the hospital my OB DR wanted me to think about the form of birth control I was going to use so that when I had my check-up (Feb 28) I could let them know. Here is my dilemma on this. It has cost us a small fortune to have Ashton. IVF's meds ect.... then once I was pregnant it wasn't easy either. However, the only time in my life that I have ever ovulated was after we lost Lorna. Should we go for the MAYBE FREEBIE???? I mean I don't want to go on the pill because I get terrible cramps on it. Yes I know that is opposite of what most experience. However I also would like to be regular! In my teens I was 2 weeks with and 2 weeks off. In my 20's I was never ending and ended with 2 d/c's because of periods that lasted over 6 months. I hit 30 and well they stopped coming altogether. I haven't had a period without some form of fertility medicine in the last 7 years. I am kind of scared to let things go and see what happens but I would also like to try for the Freebie baby. What do you all think???