Today is the day that I will make it into work. I had to pick one of the worst days to return to work. It is snowing so bad here. The weather is calling for 8-12 inches of snow. That sucks. I hope it will be one of those times they are wrong. I hate going to work when it is snowing because I am a truck driver.
I did pretty good over the weekend but found myself just wondering where we go from here. I have to wait for what seems like an eternity to do the IVF again. What do we do in the mean time is another question. I have been asking a lot of questions lately. What if we never get a child? Even through adoption it is not a guarantee. Where do we go from here? What will we do? This weekend was so boring for me and I thought this is what it will be like if there is no one else to share our lives with. Is this what we can expect? Will this be what it is like when we are older? So many questions with no answers to any of them.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Going back to work after the miscarriage
I didn't think that it would be so tough to go back to work after the miscarriage. Today was suppose to be my first day back. I totally flipped out in the car. My husband was shocked and so was I. I really didn't think that I was going to be so scared about seeing everybody. I was shaking and crying hysterically. I just had a total melt down. My husband is so great to me. He even called work to let them know what had happened. I really do love him.
My infertility story so far......
Hi! My name is Heather. I have been TTC for over 11 years. I am married to a wonderful man! In August we will have been married for 12 years. We have always wanted children. We knew we wanted a house full. This has not happened! Here is our story together.
We were a blind date. I was introduced to Carl via friend that I worked with. She was dating his cousin. It was love at first site. Our first date was November of 1992. Carl was an over-the road-truck driver when I met him. He only came home on the weekends. He called me everyday and sent me roses every week. I fell in love. Carl asked me to marry him on March 28, 1993 and we were married August 8, 1993. This marriage no one believed would last. We had only known each other for 8 months and were only together on the weekends. We are still going strong today.
We wanted to have kids so badly. We didn't waste any time trying. I have always known that there was something wrong with me when it came to being fertile. I knew since I was a child that I would not be able to have kids. Carl knew this going into the marriage. He still accepted me for who I was. I really don't think today he really understood what he was getting himself into.
I chose to quit my job and be with Carl in the truck. I figured the best way to be pregnant was to be with him all the time. Once in the truck I thought I can do this job and get paid. I got my commercial truck driving license in February of 1994. Carl quickly tired of driving so we decided in August of 1994 we would move to Alaska to be closer to his sister. We moved 4000 miles away from my family to be closer to his. I loved Alaska. It was just so expensive to live there. We both found jobs and a cute little house to live in and this is really where my journey of infertility begins.
I figured that Carl and I had been trying to conceive for 1 year with no success so I should go to the DR to find out if there was anything wrong. I knew there was because I had never had a regular period in my life. I went to this DR and he ordered a whole bunch of lab work. He charged a whole bunch of money but never gave me a diagnosis. During our time in AK I took my temps which showed that I was not ovulating. I had a period there that lasted over 4 months. The DR decided to do a d/c and a hysteroscopy. I had this done in the office awake. It hurt like crap. I walked out of the office with an alleve to take. He found that there was nothing wrong and that he could see that the ends of the tubes were open. He said there was a lot of lining. This was all. He put me on progesterone to regulate me but that was that.
We decided to move back to the states in March of 1996 because it was just to expensive to live in Alaska! We moved back to West Virginia. We went back to over-the-road driving. I went back to my regular GYN DR because I had a cycle that lasted for six months. She did another d/c on me. At least this time I was put to sleep for it. I started bleeding again after the d/c just 2 weeks later. She had to put me on the birth control pill just to get me regulated.
She put me on Clomid after everything got back to normal. Yes finally, we thought an attempt to actually conceive!. I was so excited and happy to be doing something about the infertility. I was taking my temperatures to see if I was ovulating or not and nothing. What a disappointment.
She kept increasing my dose up to 150mg a day but nothing happened. She just kept giving it to me. She never said to me that after 6 months on it, Clomid is probably not going to work. I liked being on the Clomid because I never had a regular cycle and now, I was cycling every 32 to 34 days. I just kept hoping that the Clomid was going to work. I never questioned it. I took Clomid for 3 years. What a waste of time. My husband and I thought we should try someone new.
I was now 31 and I felt like 35 was looming over my head. We had to find a new DR and we were going to have to spend the money in order to find out why we couldn't get pregnant. My mother works at a grocery store and has for 33 years. She loves to talk and one day she is talking to customer who was talking about having a baby and all that she went thru in order to conceive. My mother got the DR's name and that is how I met my new DR.
I made an appointment with him and within 30 days I had a diagnosis. I never knew why we couldn't get pregnant! I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian syndrome or PCOS. The DR says he can get us pregnant. Finally, there was hope in site. I did all of the homework on PCOS. I felt lucky that the one major factor with PCOS I didn't have and that was insulin resistance. The DR told me to lose 65 lbs. He also said that we needed to be off the road in order to do the infertility shots. We got local jobs and were determined to have a baby.
We started on the shots in November of 2003. I was so excited. I thought wow, we are on the road and we will have a baby. I didn't realize that even using the shots and all medical technology that it would still be possible to not get pregnant. I did the shots and the ovulation shot. We were going to do an artificial insemination or IUI but the DR was unavailable to do the IUI. I couldn't believe it! The first time in my life that I am going to ovulate we are going to miss it! I had had a post coital test which showed my husbands little men were not getting to where they needed to. My husbands count and motility are fine but I am overweight which I am told makes it more difficult for them to get to where they are going.
That night having fun in the bedroom was no fun at all. It felt more like a chore. I was so sad because I just knew it was useless to even try. I just couldn't believe that we had come this far just to waste the opportunity. During all of the ultrasounds the DR discovered that I had a cyst inside the right ovary and if this didn't get us pregnant I would be headed in for surgery to remove the cyst. I felt like ok I have to prepare for the surgery now!
Well, needless to say my period didn't even wait 2 weeks to show. In eleven days my period showed. I was so disappointed I cried for almost 2 hours straight. I just couldn't believe that it didn't happen for us. Why didn't we get pregnant? Why didn't it work? Why? What was so wrong with me that God wouldn't grant me this one wish to have a child? These are the emotions that you go thru when you can't have children.
My DR scheduled my surgery for December 19, 2003. I checked into out patient surgery for a laparscopy. It is hospital policy that if a women is within child bearing age she has to be tested to see if she is pregnant. No matter what she thinks. This test came back positive. WHAT? I positive pregnancy test. I had my period! I couldn't believe it all my wishes had come true. One of the nurses there said to me "Congratulation!" I said to her "I will not believe in a pregnancy until I hear the baby cry"
My DR ordered some more blood work. He gave me a hug and congratulated me. He of coarse cancelled my surgery. I was about one week post implantation. My husband and I went to the car and made a whole bunch of calls to tell everyone that we were pregnant. We just couldn't believe it. We were so dazed by the fact. We just couldn't believe that if was finally going to happen for us.
I got a call from my DR about 6 hours later that the test showed that I had no progesterone. None. He tells me that I need progesterone in order to sustain the pregnancy. I asked is there anything you can give me? He tells me that since there is no progesterone that even the medicine that he could give me would still not be enough to save the pregnancy. He tells me that I probably have an ectopic pregnancy. A pregnancy in the tubes. He thinks that I did get pregnant from the shots. Ok my husband and I are now calling everybody back to tell them the bad news. We at least now knew the shots would work.
I went thru Christmas and the new year. All along, I am getting lab work done to see if anything changes and the HCG level is rising. Well, the HCG level stopped at 250. The DR tells me that he will not be able to locate the embryo until the HCG level reaches 2000. He says he wants to do a d/c to see if the embryo was implanted in the uterus. I figure well, the embryo was not growing and none of the hormones were increasing. I thought OK, this is just holding us up from another try. I had the D/C done Jan 2, 2004. There was no embryo in the uterus. I was still showing that I was pregnant 2 weeks later. The Dr said lets give it one more week until we give you the shot to remove it from the tubes. Luckily, it found its way out.
After all of this, the DR wants to reschedule the surgery to remove the cyst. It was scheduled for Feb, 24 2004. He tells me this is in and out surgery and that the surgery should only last for about 2 hours. Four hours later he tells my husband that the surgery went well but he discovered that I had class three endometriosis. He removed the endometriosis from the uterus. He removed the cysts that I had on both ovaries and he opened my right tube. It was partially blocked. He says that the surgery is a success.
I went home in a lot of pain. The next morning I can't breath because the pain is so bad. The DR admits me to the hospital. I was on a morphine pump in order to control the pain. The air that the DR put in my belly was under the diaphram and it was preventing me from breathing without pain. The next day I am released.
I had to wait a cycle to do the shots again. We were now so hopeful and optimistic about the next round of shots. We thought ok, I had all of these problems and still got pregnant and without the IUI. We really did think that the next cycle would be the one. We were wrong. We did the shots and IUI three more times with no success. We decided that it was time to move on to the next level. IVF.
We tried to do the IVF in July of 2004. I was taking the same shots but at a higher dose in order to get more eggs to maturity. I went to see him on July 17, 2004 and he tells me that he can do the egg retrieval on the 19. I am so excited. I can hardly believe it. He tells me that he has not received the lab work back and he will call me later to tell me the dose to take and what time to take it. When he calls I never expected for him to tell me that we can not do the egg retrieval. My estrogen is almost 9000. It should only be 3000 for the surgery. I have hyper ovarian stimulation or HOS. We had to cancel the cycle. I was so disappointed. I cried for so long.
My DR says we can try on the cycle after next as long as everything has returned to normal. Guess what, It didn't so we had to wait another cycle. We are finally ready to try again in October. I am not getting excited this time because last time we didn't even get to try. I enter into this attempt with my guard up.
Everything this time went better. My medicine was adjusted and I didn't get the HOS. We go to do the egg retrieval on Oct. 8, 2004. I am a little nervous about taking the ovulation shot because my estrogen was elevated above 3000. I was taking half the dose of the hsg shot because of the estrogen. I was so scared to take the shot. I really did think that I was going to get sick because of it. Everything went smoothly and I didn't get sick.
I had 40 follicles of which only 18 were eggs and out of them only 11 were the right size. The DR tells us that some men who take Lipitor the sperm to do not do as well in the Petri dish so we did the ICIS on half of the eggs. ICIS is where the lab tech puts one single sperm in the egg. We did a fifty-fifty just to see if we needed to do it for the next time. We didn't need to do it.
Out of the 11 eggs seven survived and became embryos. On Oct 11, 2004 we had 3 embryos put in. We were now going to have to wait for 2 weeks in order to see if the procedure had worked. I was told to stay in bed for 48 hours. I stayed in bed for 14 days. I got my blood drawn on Oct. 22, 2004. I did this early in the morning so that I wouldn't have to wait to hear the news. I called the office at 4pm. They had not called yet. The nurse says that they are running more tests on the blood and the DR would call me back shortly.
I get off the phone thinking well that can't be a good sign. The DR called me back to tell me the pregnancy test is positive and that the progesterone level is good. He had ordered the progesterone check after the initial test came back positive. This is why it took so long. I tell my husband that we are pregnant and everything looks good. We cry. We can't believe it! It is so amazing when you want something so bad and for so long that when it happens there is an overwhelming joy.
I start the pregnancy with terrible cramping. I was only having them at night and they were bad enough that I would start to sweat and cry during the episodes. My husband and I are now thinking we are going to miscarry because the cramps are so severe. We thought great it finally happens for us again and we are going to miscarry again. I had these cramps right up to week 8.
We go in for an ultrasound on November the 17. I am now 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We got to see the heartbeat for the first time. The DR says I think you are out of the woods. It was so amazing. Both my husband and I are crying. We had waited for this for so long. I am still very skeptical but I can't deny there is a heartbeat!
We are now looking forward so much to this baby. We can't help but be excited. Two days later I am spotting. The DR sees me on Saturday the 20th to do another ultrasound. There is nothing wrong with the baby and the pregnancy still looked good. He sent me home and put me on bed rest. I was to stay in bed until the bleeding stopped. It stopped one week later.
I asked for every test to be ran. I want to make sure that I am ok and the baby is ok. I had one test come back positive for Lupus Anticoagulant. This is a blood clotting disorder. The DR tells me to start taking a baby aspirin a day to prevent any clotting.
I go back to the DR for another ultrasound after the bleeding had stopped. He tells me he doesn't know why I spotted. He tells me that I have to go to an OB DR. I am happy about that but sad to be leaving a DR I absolutely adore. I make an appointment with another DR for Dec. 13, 2004.
The OB Dr ordered a one hour glucose tolerance test to be done before my appointment. I did the test on November the 26, 2004. The new OB didn't call until Dec the tenth to tell me that it had come back positive for Gestational Diabeties and that I would have to attend a class on the following Friday in order to learn the diet plan. I was mad because it had taken them so long to tell me.
I go in for my appointment on the 13th. The midwife there is nice and apologizes for not us not being told about the diabeties. She put the Doppler on and we hear the heartbeat for the first time. This was so amazing. My husband and I are crying again. We decided to rent a home Doppler so we could listen anytime we wanted to.
I go to class on the following Friday in order to learn the diet. My husband went with me because I don't cook. He does and he needed to know what to do also. I stick to the diet like glue. I am now taking my ketones in the morning and I have them. They are high. I was put on a higher calorie diet to try to prevent the ketones. I also start losing weight.
The new OB has me transfer over to a high risk pregnancy DR. I have an appointment with her January 7, 2005. She doesn't like the fact that I am losing weight and that I have ketones as well. She took a quick peek at the baby with the ultrasound machine. She says she is going to see me every two to three weeks until delivery.
I have a level two ultrasound scheduled for January 28, 2005. We are excited about this because we had not seen our little on since week 8. I was going to be 18 weeks pregnant. We were hoping we could see the baby's sex by then. Everything on the ultrasound looked good except that the baby had some fluid on the kidney. She tells us that everything is measuring good for a delivery on July 2, 2005. We are so happy. Our baby if finally going to get here.
On February 7, 2005 we are trying to hear the baby's heartbeat with our home Doppler. We can't find it. We had never had trouble finding it before. My husband called the DR and they told us to come in. The DR looked for the heartbeat with the ultrasound machine and there was no heartbeat. I am so shocked. I am in disbelieve. We had heard the heartbeat just the previous Friday. Why did this happen? Why did God take my little miracle child? Why?
I was induced labor on February 8, 2005. This is the worst day of our life. We had to say hello and goodbye to the child we had wanted so badly and for so long. We named her Lorna Ann. She was born at 1549 and weighed 8 1/2 oz and was 9 1/2 inches long. She was beautiful. She looked so much like her Daddy. We cried and cried. Nothing had ever hurt so bad in our lives. Nothing can prepare you for this. She died due to blood clots in the placenta. I didn't pass all of the placenta and needed to have a d/c done on Feb 17, 2005. I now have an infection from the d/.
I have called my RE DR and he said that we can work on the cycle after next if everything has returned to normal. Well, we are now playing the waiting game. I am waiting to stop bleeding from the miscarriage and then I am waiting to cycle again. We haven't given up hope that some day our baby we will be bringing home from the hospital. I have an appointment with my RE DR on March 28, 2005 to discuss our plan of action. He says for the next pregnancy I will take heprin to prevent the blood clots.
We were a blind date. I was introduced to Carl via friend that I worked with. She was dating his cousin. It was love at first site. Our first date was November of 1992. Carl was an over-the road-truck driver when I met him. He only came home on the weekends. He called me everyday and sent me roses every week. I fell in love. Carl asked me to marry him on March 28, 1993 and we were married August 8, 1993. This marriage no one believed would last. We had only known each other for 8 months and were only together on the weekends. We are still going strong today.
We wanted to have kids so badly. We didn't waste any time trying. I have always known that there was something wrong with me when it came to being fertile. I knew since I was a child that I would not be able to have kids. Carl knew this going into the marriage. He still accepted me for who I was. I really don't think today he really understood what he was getting himself into.
I chose to quit my job and be with Carl in the truck. I figured the best way to be pregnant was to be with him all the time. Once in the truck I thought I can do this job and get paid. I got my commercial truck driving license in February of 1994. Carl quickly tired of driving so we decided in August of 1994 we would move to Alaska to be closer to his sister. We moved 4000 miles away from my family to be closer to his. I loved Alaska. It was just so expensive to live there. We both found jobs and a cute little house to live in and this is really where my journey of infertility begins.
I figured that Carl and I had been trying to conceive for 1 year with no success so I should go to the DR to find out if there was anything wrong. I knew there was because I had never had a regular period in my life. I went to this DR and he ordered a whole bunch of lab work. He charged a whole bunch of money but never gave me a diagnosis. During our time in AK I took my temps which showed that I was not ovulating. I had a period there that lasted over 4 months. The DR decided to do a d/c and a hysteroscopy. I had this done in the office awake. It hurt like crap. I walked out of the office with an alleve to take. He found that there was nothing wrong and that he could see that the ends of the tubes were open. He said there was a lot of lining. This was all. He put me on progesterone to regulate me but that was that.
We decided to move back to the states in March of 1996 because it was just to expensive to live in Alaska! We moved back to West Virginia. We went back to over-the-road driving. I went back to my regular GYN DR because I had a cycle that lasted for six months. She did another d/c on me. At least this time I was put to sleep for it. I started bleeding again after the d/c just 2 weeks later. She had to put me on the birth control pill just to get me regulated.
She put me on Clomid after everything got back to normal. Yes finally, we thought an attempt to actually conceive!. I was so excited and happy to be doing something about the infertility. I was taking my temperatures to see if I was ovulating or not and nothing. What a disappointment.
She kept increasing my dose up to 150mg a day but nothing happened. She just kept giving it to me. She never said to me that after 6 months on it, Clomid is probably not going to work. I liked being on the Clomid because I never had a regular cycle and now, I was cycling every 32 to 34 days. I just kept hoping that the Clomid was going to work. I never questioned it. I took Clomid for 3 years. What a waste of time. My husband and I thought we should try someone new.
I was now 31 and I felt like 35 was looming over my head. We had to find a new DR and we were going to have to spend the money in order to find out why we couldn't get pregnant. My mother works at a grocery store and has for 33 years. She loves to talk and one day she is talking to customer who was talking about having a baby and all that she went thru in order to conceive. My mother got the DR's name and that is how I met my new DR.
I made an appointment with him and within 30 days I had a diagnosis. I never knew why we couldn't get pregnant! I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian syndrome or PCOS. The DR says he can get us pregnant. Finally, there was hope in site. I did all of the homework on PCOS. I felt lucky that the one major factor with PCOS I didn't have and that was insulin resistance. The DR told me to lose 65 lbs. He also said that we needed to be off the road in order to do the infertility shots. We got local jobs and were determined to have a baby.
We started on the shots in November of 2003. I was so excited. I thought wow, we are on the road and we will have a baby. I didn't realize that even using the shots and all medical technology that it would still be possible to not get pregnant. I did the shots and the ovulation shot. We were going to do an artificial insemination or IUI but the DR was unavailable to do the IUI. I couldn't believe it! The first time in my life that I am going to ovulate we are going to miss it! I had had a post coital test which showed my husbands little men were not getting to where they needed to. My husbands count and motility are fine but I am overweight which I am told makes it more difficult for them to get to where they are going.
That night having fun in the bedroom was no fun at all. It felt more like a chore. I was so sad because I just knew it was useless to even try. I just couldn't believe that we had come this far just to waste the opportunity. During all of the ultrasounds the DR discovered that I had a cyst inside the right ovary and if this didn't get us pregnant I would be headed in for surgery to remove the cyst. I felt like ok I have to prepare for the surgery now!
Well, needless to say my period didn't even wait 2 weeks to show. In eleven days my period showed. I was so disappointed I cried for almost 2 hours straight. I just couldn't believe that it didn't happen for us. Why didn't we get pregnant? Why didn't it work? Why? What was so wrong with me that God wouldn't grant me this one wish to have a child? These are the emotions that you go thru when you can't have children.
My DR scheduled my surgery for December 19, 2003. I checked into out patient surgery for a laparscopy. It is hospital policy that if a women is within child bearing age she has to be tested to see if she is pregnant. No matter what she thinks. This test came back positive. WHAT? I positive pregnancy test. I had my period! I couldn't believe it all my wishes had come true. One of the nurses there said to me "Congratulation!" I said to her "I will not believe in a pregnancy until I hear the baby cry"
My DR ordered some more blood work. He gave me a hug and congratulated me. He of coarse cancelled my surgery. I was about one week post implantation. My husband and I went to the car and made a whole bunch of calls to tell everyone that we were pregnant. We just couldn't believe it. We were so dazed by the fact. We just couldn't believe that if was finally going to happen for us.
I got a call from my DR about 6 hours later that the test showed that I had no progesterone. None. He tells me that I need progesterone in order to sustain the pregnancy. I asked is there anything you can give me? He tells me that since there is no progesterone that even the medicine that he could give me would still not be enough to save the pregnancy. He tells me that I probably have an ectopic pregnancy. A pregnancy in the tubes. He thinks that I did get pregnant from the shots. Ok my husband and I are now calling everybody back to tell them the bad news. We at least now knew the shots would work.
I went thru Christmas and the new year. All along, I am getting lab work done to see if anything changes and the HCG level is rising. Well, the HCG level stopped at 250. The DR tells me that he will not be able to locate the embryo until the HCG level reaches 2000. He says he wants to do a d/c to see if the embryo was implanted in the uterus. I figure well, the embryo was not growing and none of the hormones were increasing. I thought OK, this is just holding us up from another try. I had the D/C done Jan 2, 2004. There was no embryo in the uterus. I was still showing that I was pregnant 2 weeks later. The Dr said lets give it one more week until we give you the shot to remove it from the tubes. Luckily, it found its way out.
After all of this, the DR wants to reschedule the surgery to remove the cyst. It was scheduled for Feb, 24 2004. He tells me this is in and out surgery and that the surgery should only last for about 2 hours. Four hours later he tells my husband that the surgery went well but he discovered that I had class three endometriosis. He removed the endometriosis from the uterus. He removed the cysts that I had on both ovaries and he opened my right tube. It was partially blocked. He says that the surgery is a success.
I went home in a lot of pain. The next morning I can't breath because the pain is so bad. The DR admits me to the hospital. I was on a morphine pump in order to control the pain. The air that the DR put in my belly was under the diaphram and it was preventing me from breathing without pain. The next day I am released.
I had to wait a cycle to do the shots again. We were now so hopeful and optimistic about the next round of shots. We thought ok, I had all of these problems and still got pregnant and without the IUI. We really did think that the next cycle would be the one. We were wrong. We did the shots and IUI three more times with no success. We decided that it was time to move on to the next level. IVF.
We tried to do the IVF in July of 2004. I was taking the same shots but at a higher dose in order to get more eggs to maturity. I went to see him on July 17, 2004 and he tells me that he can do the egg retrieval on the 19. I am so excited. I can hardly believe it. He tells me that he has not received the lab work back and he will call me later to tell me the dose to take and what time to take it. When he calls I never expected for him to tell me that we can not do the egg retrieval. My estrogen is almost 9000. It should only be 3000 for the surgery. I have hyper ovarian stimulation or HOS. We had to cancel the cycle. I was so disappointed. I cried for so long.
My DR says we can try on the cycle after next as long as everything has returned to normal. Guess what, It didn't so we had to wait another cycle. We are finally ready to try again in October. I am not getting excited this time because last time we didn't even get to try. I enter into this attempt with my guard up.
Everything this time went better. My medicine was adjusted and I didn't get the HOS. We go to do the egg retrieval on Oct. 8, 2004. I am a little nervous about taking the ovulation shot because my estrogen was elevated above 3000. I was taking half the dose of the hsg shot because of the estrogen. I was so scared to take the shot. I really did think that I was going to get sick because of it. Everything went smoothly and I didn't get sick.
I had 40 follicles of which only 18 were eggs and out of them only 11 were the right size. The DR tells us that some men who take Lipitor the sperm to do not do as well in the Petri dish so we did the ICIS on half of the eggs. ICIS is where the lab tech puts one single sperm in the egg. We did a fifty-fifty just to see if we needed to do it for the next time. We didn't need to do it.
Out of the 11 eggs seven survived and became embryos. On Oct 11, 2004 we had 3 embryos put in. We were now going to have to wait for 2 weeks in order to see if the procedure had worked. I was told to stay in bed for 48 hours. I stayed in bed for 14 days. I got my blood drawn on Oct. 22, 2004. I did this early in the morning so that I wouldn't have to wait to hear the news. I called the office at 4pm. They had not called yet. The nurse says that they are running more tests on the blood and the DR would call me back shortly.
I get off the phone thinking well that can't be a good sign. The DR called me back to tell me the pregnancy test is positive and that the progesterone level is good. He had ordered the progesterone check after the initial test came back positive. This is why it took so long. I tell my husband that we are pregnant and everything looks good. We cry. We can't believe it! It is so amazing when you want something so bad and for so long that when it happens there is an overwhelming joy.
I start the pregnancy with terrible cramping. I was only having them at night and they were bad enough that I would start to sweat and cry during the episodes. My husband and I are now thinking we are going to miscarry because the cramps are so severe. We thought great it finally happens for us again and we are going to miscarry again. I had these cramps right up to week 8.
We go in for an ultrasound on November the 17. I am now 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We got to see the heartbeat for the first time. The DR says I think you are out of the woods. It was so amazing. Both my husband and I are crying. We had waited for this for so long. I am still very skeptical but I can't deny there is a heartbeat!
We are now looking forward so much to this baby. We can't help but be excited. Two days later I am spotting. The DR sees me on Saturday the 20th to do another ultrasound. There is nothing wrong with the baby and the pregnancy still looked good. He sent me home and put me on bed rest. I was to stay in bed until the bleeding stopped. It stopped one week later.
I asked for every test to be ran. I want to make sure that I am ok and the baby is ok. I had one test come back positive for Lupus Anticoagulant. This is a blood clotting disorder. The DR tells me to start taking a baby aspirin a day to prevent any clotting.
I go back to the DR for another ultrasound after the bleeding had stopped. He tells me he doesn't know why I spotted. He tells me that I have to go to an OB DR. I am happy about that but sad to be leaving a DR I absolutely adore. I make an appointment with another DR for Dec. 13, 2004.
The OB Dr ordered a one hour glucose tolerance test to be done before my appointment. I did the test on November the 26, 2004. The new OB didn't call until Dec the tenth to tell me that it had come back positive for Gestational Diabeties and that I would have to attend a class on the following Friday in order to learn the diet plan. I was mad because it had taken them so long to tell me.
I go in for my appointment on the 13th. The midwife there is nice and apologizes for not us not being told about the diabeties. She put the Doppler on and we hear the heartbeat for the first time. This was so amazing. My husband and I are crying again. We decided to rent a home Doppler so we could listen anytime we wanted to.
I go to class on the following Friday in order to learn the diet. My husband went with me because I don't cook. He does and he needed to know what to do also. I stick to the diet like glue. I am now taking my ketones in the morning and I have them. They are high. I was put on a higher calorie diet to try to prevent the ketones. I also start losing weight.
The new OB has me transfer over to a high risk pregnancy DR. I have an appointment with her January 7, 2005. She doesn't like the fact that I am losing weight and that I have ketones as well. She took a quick peek at the baby with the ultrasound machine. She says she is going to see me every two to three weeks until delivery.
I have a level two ultrasound scheduled for January 28, 2005. We are excited about this because we had not seen our little on since week 8. I was going to be 18 weeks pregnant. We were hoping we could see the baby's sex by then. Everything on the ultrasound looked good except that the baby had some fluid on the kidney. She tells us that everything is measuring good for a delivery on July 2, 2005. We are so happy. Our baby if finally going to get here.
On February 7, 2005 we are trying to hear the baby's heartbeat with our home Doppler. We can't find it. We had never had trouble finding it before. My husband called the DR and they told us to come in. The DR looked for the heartbeat with the ultrasound machine and there was no heartbeat. I am so shocked. I am in disbelieve. We had heard the heartbeat just the previous Friday. Why did this happen? Why did God take my little miracle child? Why?
I was induced labor on February 8, 2005. This is the worst day of our life. We had to say hello and goodbye to the child we had wanted so badly and for so long. We named her Lorna Ann. She was born at 1549 and weighed 8 1/2 oz and was 9 1/2 inches long. She was beautiful. She looked so much like her Daddy. We cried and cried. Nothing had ever hurt so bad in our lives. Nothing can prepare you for this. She died due to blood clots in the placenta. I didn't pass all of the placenta and needed to have a d/c done on Feb 17, 2005. I now have an infection from the d/.
I have called my RE DR and he said that we can work on the cycle after next if everything has returned to normal. Well, we are now playing the waiting game. I am waiting to stop bleeding from the miscarriage and then I am waiting to cycle again. We haven't given up hope that some day our baby we will be bringing home from the hospital. I have an appointment with my RE DR on March 28, 2005 to discuss our plan of action. He says for the next pregnancy I will take heprin to prevent the blood clots.
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