4am thoughts!

How amazing is it that I am pregnant? How amazing it is that I am pregnant natrually? How amazing is to feel Hayley move? How amazing it is that I am 15 days from having a bundle of joy that should never have been? What a survivor this one is? She just shouldn't be! She has overcome so much to be here! First that I o'd on my own! 2nd that Carl and I even had sex to conceive her! 3rd that his tropper found the right direction! 4th that I took provera to bring on AF and she never came! 5th that she found the right place to implant! 6th that she developed a HB! 7th that I even discovered that I was preggo at all and able to get on the right meds at that time! 8th that we made it past the 1st, 2nd and now 3rd trimesters. 9th that I am going to be holding a baby soon that I never thought in a million years would ever be! 10th I just can't believe any of it.

What an amazing journey she has already been on. I sit here and just think of how none of this would have crossed my mind just 3 years ago after losing Lorna. I never thought I would be that one that would get preggo after 12 yrs of infertility 2 losses 1 child. Carl and I in Aug will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary..........................I can't believe that it has been that long............................ I never thought I would have one child let alone 2! What a joy it is to have been blessed with her! I am overly anxious to meet this miracle! I thought Ashton was a miracle...this one just blows my mind as to how she even came to be....

I am nervous about giving birth to her. Nervous that something may go wrong in the next 15 days. Nervous that there maybe something wrong etc..... I remember having all of these feelings with Ashton. However with this pregnancy already having overcome all the odds, I just can't help but be amazed when I allow myself to think that I am preggo at all!

OK I can't sleep tonight, I am more miserable than ever and yet I am happy to be feeling this way at all!!!!!!!!